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Did you ever have someone tell you to “just let it go” and don’t you wish it was that easy?

I have recently been emotionally challenged by someone I felt a close relationship with. I have heard over and over again that we must not hold onto difficult feelings; we must “let it all go”. As I mumble these words to myself “let it go, let it go”, I can feel the tears roll down my face as I fight back the fear. I keep repeating “this will pass, this will pass, it’s just a journey”. Well, sometimes it’s an unbearable challenging journey and I don’t’ want to accept this enormous sting in my heart; I just want it to go away. However, I decided I must allow the pain to express itself through me. I must accept that my soul aches when I feel this pain and it’s OK to sit with it for as long as I need to.  I want to nurture it and let it know I accept my vulnerabilities as part of my whole self. The hard part is making sure you don’t become attached to the pain, don’t victimize yourself and don’t  place blame on anyone for what you are feeling, just be with the pain and nurture it with love and compassion. You can’t “just let it go” until you have given it the attention it needs.

At this moment, I don’t want to let my pain go. Maybe I just need to remind myself that it’s OK to feel hurt, it’s OK to personalize something that I probably shouldn’t and it’s OK to know that I am still who I am even though I feel betrayed. Those daunting words of “just let it go” do not help me feel better. Nurturing those wounded parts of me is what I really need.

Life throws daggers at us, sometimes huge ones.  It wouldn’t be human to “just let it go” when they hit us directly in the heart. No one wants to feel emotionally defeated; but I also know we have to feel the pain to know how human we are, how sensitive our souls are and how much we need one another for support during our time of healing. When we deny our pain because this new age nonsense of “just let it go” says it’s what we must do, we suffocate the soul and deplete the energy of our spirit.

We all have certain sensitivities based on what we believe about ourselves, others and the world we live in. When these sensitivities are even scratched at the surface, we may feel as if we have been cut wide open as our soul cries for mercy. It’s not about the facts of each experience, it’s about how these experiences made you feel about who you are and your place in this world. How you react or respond to certain challenges has everything to do with how valuable, significant and safe you currently feel.

It’s good to nurture your feelings as needed so they don’t become locked within you. However, if you are already sheltering emotional traumas from the past, the more likely you will attach to current challenges and letting go becomes almost impossible. Instead of pushing back at the pain because you are supposed to “just let it go”, try letting it be there with you and nurture it with your kind and compassionate self, just like you would your best friend. We can’t push away what needs our attention. Our wounds need to be nurtured, not denied.  Remind yourself that this is an emotion that you are feeling and it is normal. Painful wounds may cause you to create unpleasant thoughts and may cause you to analyze the experience over and over again. This is all in an attempt to return to feelings of security. When you find it very difficult to sit with those feelings and nurture them fully, think about what might still be hurting inside of you. Chances are you may be experiencing an old wound that causes you fear. Think about what suppressed emotion might be resurfacing because someone or something reminded you of your unhealed past. It’s OK, remember, you are human. Pain gets buried when we need to protect ourselves from further harm. Suppressed pain will get triggered over and over again until you find the courage to bring it to the surface for healing. This is why “just letting it go” is not so easy. As long as our protective part prevents us from getting to know our wounded part, we will remain sensitive to the insensitivity of the world.

We all have those friends that tell us to “just let it go” when we feel deep hurt and frantically search for safety. And, I’m sure we all have said or were tempted to say “just let it go” when someone we know won’t stop over analyzing their experience. I never liked those words “just let it go”. It only makes the wounded soul feel unsupported. I do realize some people struggle uncontrollably with their emotions and many are attached to self-victimization. There are many times we just don’t have any other advice except to beg them to “just let it go already!”

When someone is feeling deeply wounded and having a difficult time with their experience, try asking them “how did this experience make you feel and what is it about this experience that scares you the most”? All the frustration and anger they are experiencing is coming from an old wound that caused them fear, and the new experience is really that old wound resurfacing. They feel scared. They may be feeling alone and unsafe and really need your support. The wounded heart needs to allow the true feelings to surface. Anger and frustration just cause more pain. By asking them to really express what the core wound is and then feel the fear behind it, you can help them recognize that they are being triggered and there is unhealed pain within them. I applied this process to my own recent experience and realized that I was experiencing neglect. This is a childhood wound that was never attended to. The fear behind neglect is not having someone to take care of you. This is a childhood fear and I had to remind myself that I am an adult now and I can take care of myself. This is how the healing process begins.

Letting go does not have to be a difficult process. It can be a process of accepting, nurturing and compassionately allowing the pain to be there with you until it feels safe and healed. The process takes practice and becomes easier when you have already done some of inner healing work. As long as deeply buried pain remains unhealed, letting go could be difficult. It’s not shameful to work on our past hurts; it’s actually quite courageous and shows inner strength. It could be scary to think about revisiting the pain we worked so hard to disown, but the payoff is more peace and harmony and less personal struggle when it comes to being emotionally challenged by others. If someone tells you to “just let it go”, feel deeper into the pain and ask yourself “what am I feeling at this moment and what am I afraid will happen”; and then nurture those feelings and fears with compassion.

I would like to close this article with a big thank you for supporting my work. I have recently been nominated for Best Hypnotist on Long Island. This nomination is such an honor to me. There are so many wonderful caring hypnotists on Long Island and I feel deeply honored to be included in the nominations.

I left the corporate world with a desire to help others free themselves from their emotional struggles. I have healed many of my old wounds with the work of deeper insight through hypnosis, self-compassion and self-acceptance. I still get triggered from time to time, but I am more at peace now than I have ever been. We must know from our core that we deserve to be at peace even when it seems difficult. Daggers will be thrown at us from all angles and we must be emotionally equipped to allow our feelings to be held in our sacred space for healing.  If we are still living in fear from old wounds, those daggers will hit us hard and deep.

If you enjoy my writings and would like to further support my work, please take a moment and vote for Hearts in Harmony Hypnosis at the link below.

As always, thank you for your continued support.

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How to Vote:

Click on Link:  Best of Long Island Then Click the large “Vote Now” button, scroll down to Health & Wellness, then scroll down to Hypnotherapists and see Hearts in Harmony Levittown listed as a nominee.  I thank you in advance for your support and kindness.

 

 

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